Sunday, April 20, 2008

green is the new black

have you noticed that suddenly everything is green? even if it's pink or brown or white ,its now called GREEN. this whole idea of the greening of the planet is so tired and so done and boring. to write about it is even boring, but today i'm bored, even in sunny palm beach i'm so bored i can't stop thinking about green. when ever life gets so fucked up, everybody starts cleaning house or putting their underwear in order. the whole messed up world is going to hell in a tatty , nasty marc jacobs handbag. if it were hermes , believe me we'd be going someplace great, surely not to hell. but in marc jacobs, the bus doesn't make any's the express and the only stop is HELL. it's an election year,that alone signals big problems being traded for new big problems , only being ignored by someone new. So all this confusion and anxiety makes everyone nuts . hence; greening. this time it's a little more pronounced. we used to be satisfied with toilet paper that would disappear before it was even disposed of. then it was gas that was passed as just tinted air, touted as being good for the atmosphere. black lung could be green! now it's everything. cleaning fluids, soaps, shoes, clothes, preservatives, name it i just don't see the point. i want to wear my clothes, not smoke them. i don't like burn marks on my couture. hemp was an ok idea for rope , it's a bad idea for fashion. smoke it or tie something up with it, but for god's sake don't wear it.planting trees everywhere is a lovely idea, ridding the planet of unpleasant gas emissions is another. I think it's silly to wear cashmere from sheep raised on real grass and turn the air conditioner down to 68 degrees as you cruise along in your new suv. we might all consider wearing marc's obama t-shirt made from reconstituted condoms for 250. I tried kitty litter made from shredded tires, but it just wasn't particularly absorbent, not to mention it created a odour that made having guests over a bit dicey. there are a few other things we could do that might lend this crippled planet a hand. For one, all those annoying people on the street and subways that insist on toting and slugging from oversized bottled waters which have been flown and trucked in from all sorts of inconvenient and distant places.... well try drinking from something as novel as a faucet. They just dump those bottles in overstuffed trash cans and on the ground in the park and gyms they abuse. You could choose tap over bottled when your waiter/server asks at the restaurant. Try taking the bus to west, east, south, or bridgehampton instead of the private plane. Maybe consider buying a hybrid car to cruise around in once you get there. Grill your meals the old fashioned way....use wood and lay off the gas. Takes a little longer, but it tastes better. lady bird johnson used to talk about how we all need to plant a tree, flower or shrub. that was her big contribution , an attempt to beautify the country. it was a nice enough legacy but even then there were people all over the place with zilch. those people still live here. instead of putting so much energy into another fad let's take this whole zany idea of GREEN an turn it into real green... MONEY. Then we could use that for something totally self serving and irresponsible like giving it to people who need it . that would be the greening of america . Now we could all pack a weekender, take the shuttle to pluto and let earth detox. pluto could be the next st. barts or turks and caycos. everybody and their nannies would come running.
green could be the new black.

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