Saturday, May 30, 2009
The Fashion Show?
I promised I would continue my coverage of this reality based train wreck and I've tried. I've honestly tried. I've set the TV to record it in case I have any excuse not to be home witnessing it and have managed pretty well. Nevertheless, I find myself checking in to see what new goodies they have in store for us the fashion starved. This brand of food will send us to an early grave. There are no nutrients in this glob of offal. It doesn't qualify even as suet. At least birds can find sustenance in suet. This is 100% sludge.
Isaac and Kelly and Fern don't even look amused. The guest audience of "industry giant" look appalled and I for one have had to turn it off more than once. The quality of entertainment and insight one expected to glean has become more a cautionary tale. If anyone with the brain the size of a bed bug still wants to be a fashion designer I would hope they'd consider advanced ambulance chasing or even intern as an assistant crack whore. This view of fashion takes the aspiring designer straight to hell. Though hell is paved in good intentions there is little room for these duelling designers (with 1 or 2 notable exceptions). I've rarely seen such a hodge podge of mean spirited chest stabbing neverwillbe's.
The absurd tests and challenges are things no self respecting designer would ever attempt. Quality has always been the last word in design or any pursuit for that matter. Imagine altering a botched shoulder pad in a lined jacket? That translates to opening the lining, re-setting the pad and then closing the shoulder seam of the lining ....by hand. Oh, and then there is re attaching a botched zipper and hemming a skirt, both things also by hand. I forgot to mention you have about 20 minutes to do all of those tasks. For the layman with no experience in these things , any 1 of the separate tasks to be done correctly and neatly takes at least that long. So to judge a contestant on their ability to pull it all off in the allotted time isn't a test, it's a travesty.
Now let's turn a jacket into a multipurpose garment that is functional, original,skillfully constructed and ultimately qualifies as FASHION. They all lost unless you consider an ugly ski suit with a wrap around blanket shawl or a down sleeping bag coat (a quilted body bag is closer to the truth) that you can sleep in on a sidewalk when you've been booted from your 12th job on seventh ave.as FASHION.
At this point I lost interest, my dinner started to back up on me and I couldn't sit and look at Norma Kamali or any of the other celebrity guests aping interest. If any one of you was questioning if fashion is alive or dying the celebrity jury is still out. This humble viewer has to weigh in. It's in it's tertiary state. It's time to call a priest in, start gathering wood for the pyre or run to the nearest Home Depot and buy a shovel. Any plot of earth will do. Start digging and buy some lye while you're at it. Methinks there will be a stench like we've rarely experienced.
I will not bore or horrify you with more coverage on this show. There's more to be had watching an infomercial or pulling your own wisdom teeth with toy pliers.
Isaac, Kelly (whoever you are) and Fern, you should all apologize to the viewing audience. One can not squeeze caviar from a slug. This menu are slugs served 10 different ways, and none are palatable or remotely yummy.
Isaac and co.....Bye Bye Darlings!